يا ترى لما امشى، هوحشك؟!

بقالى كتير قوى بفكر فى الموضوع ده. بذات بعد اخر حاجة حصلت. هو انا بصراحة كنت متوقعة حاجة اكبر من كده، رد فعل أقوى من كده. الطبيعى فى المواقف اللى زى دى الواحد بيحس بندم و حزن جامد. ندم على انه كان مُقصر وحزن على انه مش هيعرف يغير اللى كان.  بس الحصل كان عكس كده تماماً و ده طبعاً للاسف جيه عكس كل توقعاتى. أو ممكن انا الآمالى اكبر من الحقيقة ، مش عارفة! بس اللى اعرفه كويس و متأكده منه انه مش ده اللى أنا مستنياه يوم ما امشى. اصل على فكرة أنا ساعتها مش هرجْع تانى و ممكن كمان منتقبلش مين عارف؟


أنا مش بحب الكآبة واللهِ بس دى اقل حاجة ممكن الواحد يحسها ساعتها. المهم انى حاسة انى فقدت الامل و صعب الموضوع ده يتغير. أنتِ كمان وحشانى قوى على فكرة. بس مش أنتِ اللى هنا. أنتِ اللى رسمتها لك هى اللى وحشانى و بحبها قوى. أصلها بصراحة كده أقرب لى منك. وهى اللى على طول كانت جنبى لما كنت بحتاج لها. نفسى اشوفك هنا لو ليوم واحد، هتفرق معايا قوى. بس الظاهر كده ان " ليس كل ما يتمناه المرء يدركه."
.... و أرجع و اقول "الحمد لله على كل شىء" =) 

"Today I've Found an Old Friend"

Dear _______,

"Today, I've found an old friend. Finding implies a loss of some sort." These lines have been coming over my head so frequently, especially those past few days. Yes, I have met you long ago, but those days, I've found an old friend I thought that I've lost forever. At first, I wasn't really pleased with our encounter, though I knew that it is the working of God to change how we looked at things. I was so full of distrust, anguish, and some sort of bitterness. I was so swollen with pride that I was blind to see the real you. I didn't give neither myself nor you a chance to really express ourselves. But yet, I'm not regretful for what happened in the past. As I believe everything happens for a reason, and what happened in our past is simply an eye-opener and adds up to our experience. Maybe we just met in the wrong time, maybe none of us were really ready for such friendship. Whatever the reasons are, I'm glad that we've made an indirect reconciliation with our past. I was afraid to look back, I was afraid to make peace with my past, I didn't know what to look for in the future, I was overwhelmed with juxtaposed feelings and emotions. And for this, I ask you for forgiveness on my behalf for anything ... for everything. I've seen in you those days what I was blind to see our whole duration of acquaintance. And for this, I'm thankful that God have put you on my path in a way or another to make a reconciliation with my past, myself and ultimately with you. Excuse my fragmented lines but this is the way I feel right now, and I know I'm really bad at expressing myself but I couldn't help it. I've found out that my worst mistake was "Many words to be said but I decided to breathe deep instead  " So, this won't be the way any more.
Thank you for being such a great friend to me even when I was pushing you away. This will be the way I will always remember you.
Sincerely yours,
Esraa


P.S: I'm grateful that I've lost you one day, because I've learned how to cherish what I have and to take nothing for granted. (This may seem awkward but I like to look at the bright side of things or regard things differently.)