"Another stupid adult"

So for me, in a word association game, evanescence would be associated with marriage vows that evaporate faster than mercury and sink quicker than a lead ball; with love that flees the merciless scars of infidelity; with a melting sense of commitment; with a fading respect for family. This was not the end of the sad story; it got worse when I shared the details of my ‘date’ with my friends … they called me a fool; told me that there were no more men who wanted to get married; that who cared what a man did outside the house; that what I did not know about would not hurt me. They sounded so much like my mom and I felt alienated from their world.Men created a big myth ages ago and women believed it; they claimed that their physical needs are much higher than those of a woman and used that as an excuse to justify their shameful behavior. They said they got bored of ‘eating the same dish every day’ and they needed the change. They kept feeding women lies for one generation after another. My grandmother, my mother, and my friends fell for that lie and now I am being asked to go with the flow.

I am no longer angry at Mr. Not-So-Perfect … my anger is directed at the girls who suffer from an extreme condition of low self-esteem; who lock their pride in sealed bottles and throw them into oblivion; who willingly subject themselves to the double edge of treason and rejection; who would prefer sleeping with the enemy than sleeping alone. I get bored too; I crave for a change just as much as men do. I needed to feel desirable and wanted when I was 18 and 28 and will when I am 38, 48, 58, and forever. Still, I would respect my vows of loyalty and commitment to my husband. Infidelity hits the woman’s pride; takes its toll on her self-esteem; makes her feel rejected, unwanted, and unfit. If only men knew how much damage they were causing and how deep of a scar they were leaving.

Taken from:" The Poison Tree by Marwa Rakha"

Things that make me happy

  1. being around kids.
   2. being appreciated.
   3. chocolate.
   4. read a good book.
   5. visit family.
   6. dream a nice dream.
   7. buying clothes.
   8. helping others.
   9. doing a creative handcraft.
  10. make someone happy.
   
  ..... many things actually make me happy. simple but beautiful. if only I focus on those and let go of the things that bother me definitely I would be HAPPY by now.
      P.S.: I didn't mention my lil sister as she doesn't only make me happy but sth indescribable! I ❤You!

يا ترى لما امشى، هوحشك؟!

بقالى كتير قوى بفكر فى الموضوع ده. بذات بعد اخر حاجة حصلت. هو انا بصراحة كنت متوقعة حاجة اكبر من كده، رد فعل أقوى من كده. الطبيعى فى المواقف اللى زى دى الواحد بيحس بندم و حزن جامد. ندم على انه كان مُقصر وحزن على انه مش هيعرف يغير اللى كان.  بس الحصل كان عكس كده تماماً و ده طبعاً للاسف جيه عكس كل توقعاتى. أو ممكن انا الآمالى اكبر من الحقيقة ، مش عارفة! بس اللى اعرفه كويس و متأكده منه انه مش ده اللى أنا مستنياه يوم ما امشى. اصل على فكرة أنا ساعتها مش هرجْع تانى و ممكن كمان منتقبلش مين عارف؟


أنا مش بحب الكآبة واللهِ بس دى اقل حاجة ممكن الواحد يحسها ساعتها. المهم انى حاسة انى فقدت الامل و صعب الموضوع ده يتغير. أنتِ كمان وحشانى قوى على فكرة. بس مش أنتِ اللى هنا. أنتِ اللى رسمتها لك هى اللى وحشانى و بحبها قوى. أصلها بصراحة كده أقرب لى منك. وهى اللى على طول كانت جنبى لما كنت بحتاج لها. نفسى اشوفك هنا لو ليوم واحد، هتفرق معايا قوى. بس الظاهر كده ان " ليس كل ما يتمناه المرء يدركه."
.... و أرجع و اقول "الحمد لله على كل شىء" =) 

"Today I've Found an Old Friend"

Dear _______,

"Today, I've found an old friend. Finding implies a loss of some sort." These lines have been coming over my head so frequently, especially those past few days. Yes, I have met you long ago, but those days, I've found an old friend I thought that I've lost forever. At first, I wasn't really pleased with our encounter, though I knew that it is the working of God to change how we looked at things. I was so full of distrust, anguish, and some sort of bitterness. I was so swollen with pride that I was blind to see the real you. I didn't give neither myself nor you a chance to really express ourselves. But yet, I'm not regretful for what happened in the past. As I believe everything happens for a reason, and what happened in our past is simply an eye-opener and adds up to our experience. Maybe we just met in the wrong time, maybe none of us were really ready for such friendship. Whatever the reasons are, I'm glad that we've made an indirect reconciliation with our past. I was afraid to look back, I was afraid to make peace with my past, I didn't know what to look for in the future, I was overwhelmed with juxtaposed feelings and emotions. And for this, I ask you for forgiveness on my behalf for anything ... for everything. I've seen in you those days what I was blind to see our whole duration of acquaintance. And for this, I'm thankful that God have put you on my path in a way or another to make a reconciliation with my past, myself and ultimately with you. Excuse my fragmented lines but this is the way I feel right now, and I know I'm really bad at expressing myself but I couldn't help it. I've found out that my worst mistake was "Many words to be said but I decided to breathe deep instead  " So, this won't be the way any more.
Thank you for being such a great friend to me even when I was pushing you away. This will be the way I will always remember you.
Sincerely yours,
Esraa


P.S: I'm grateful that I've lost you one day, because I've learned how to cherish what I have and to take nothing for granted. (This may seem awkward but I like to look at the bright side of things or regard things differently.)

" واحة الغروب "

تمنيت لو كان الأمر هو العكس. لو أجهل ما حدث و أعلم ما فى الغد, بل أووافق حتى على أن أظل أعمى عما ّيحمله الغد بشرط أن يختفى الأمس أيضاً. أوافق على ما هو أقل-أن يشرق الصبح فأعيش يومى وحده و قد غابت من ذهنى كل الذكريات. أى ترتيب مريح للخياة أن نعيش اليوم دون إزعاج الأمس و الغد معاً! لمن فى هذه الصحراء لا شىء فى ذهنى غير الأمس و أنا لا أحبه.

بالأمس حلمت بك

ورحنا نتطلع من النافذة ونحن نرشف الشاي.
قالت دون أن تنظر في وجهي: بالأمس حلمت بك
قلت: أنا آسف. ثم ضحكت.
قالت وهي تسدد إليّ نظرةً ثابتة: لماذا أنت آسف? ولماذا تضحك?
- ما الذي يمكن أن أقوله عندما تخبرينني بهذه اللهجة الحزينة أنك بالأمس حلمت بي?
هزت رأسها وقالت: أول أمس أيضًا حلمت بك. صحوت من النوم وكنت أبكي.
لم أضحك ونكست رأسي.
قالت به
دوء: ماذا تفعل لكي يحدث هذا?
رفعت رأسي بدهشة وأنا أكرر السؤال: ماذا أفعل لكي يحدث هذا?
- نعم.
- أنت تعنين هذا السؤال? تعتقدين أنني يمكن أن أفعل شيئًا يجعلك تحلمين بي?
ضحكت آن ماري بعصبية ومدت يدها إليّ فأخذت كوب الشاي الفارغ, ثم قامت وخرجت

3O weird FACTS about ME!

1. I wish I was a dog or a monkey =D.
2. I hate kissing while greeting.
3. I go through 5O moods in a day with no obvious reason.
4. I would walk for hours and never get tired.
5. I just hate mornings.
6. Most ppl are not good at goodbyes, I'm not even in greetings.
7. I can't study but in front my laptop while the DSL is wired in.
8. I came up with sth new to be interested in every 2 days.
9. I personalize movie characters when I'm done with the movie.
10. I'm the most person on earth who is easily distracted. (you can't even imagine.)
11. Ask me about it =D *Top Secret*.
12. I’m used to sleep with new stuff that I bought or someone gave to me.
13. I hate wedding parties.
14. I will not wear a wedding dress if I got married one day =).
15. I am a movie freak literary (I watch more than 5 movies a day).
16. I start to hate stuff when ppl start to love it.
17.  I never sent a friend request on Face Book and never thought of  .... and Dunno why.
18. Traditionally people cry in romantic and sad movies, they just make me laugh to death and I literary can't breathe.
19. I like to hang out alone.
20. I even keep lots of secrets from the dearest ones =|.
21. So many times, I don't know if this really happened or this was a dream.
22. When I was young till like preparatory, I used to keep a swim ring (عوامة) in my purse thinking that if the bridge fell down I will survive if dad was driving over the river.
23. I cry heavily while watching cartoons.
24. I like to walk on the black and white side of the pavement as if I'm keeping balance.
25. I don't swim in the sea fearing that a shark will show up and will attack me  =(.
26. I buy myself every year a gift on my Birthday =).
27. I can't get rid of receipts. 
28. I burst into hysterical laughs about utterly nothing if I didn't sleep well the day before.
29. I get lost in the streets in the daylight because they don't look familiar to me like they do in dark =D.
30. I love Coraline and it is my fav heroine <3.

Once More

I've seen him once more,
But this time I'm not so sure.
He is not like before,
Yet I'm interested to explore.

Things start to make its way to me.
Maybe this time I can really see,
Right through him and we can be free,
From our past and we can finally be.

I will not leave it to him to decide,
Whether he will leave or be by my side.
The love inside of me hasn't really died,
Still I need time to cure my Pride.

Let's leave it to fate,
All we have to do is to wait,
If we meant for each other and you're my mate,
Love will find its way to our gate.

"Once upon a time there was a Bunny"

Once upon a time there was a Bunny.

He was really tall, smart and funny.

We met on that day when it was sunny,

I acted awkward and I was runny.

But The Funny Bunny was persistent,

Keep following me like a helpless valiant.

I thought to myself “Why to be resistant”

Told my heart “Time to be obedient”

One day he was sad

Since that day everything went bad

I assured him that I could be a good lad

Try to open up and you will be glad

But it seems that I was talking to myself like a mad.

Time goes by and things went wrong

When my love for him grew strong

He told me  “Sorry! I feel like I don’t belong”

Left me wondering for so long

How those words were uttered from his tongue.

It was sentenced for us to be apart

He didn’t even care for my broken heart

Why did you come along from the start

If you have to withdraw with skillful art?

Left me all alone in such state

Longing for him to show up from that gate

It doesn’t really matter how late

I guess all I have to do is to wait

Waiting for you to write my fate.

The Kite-Runner

Wandering the streets at night

Recalling those days when you were by my side.

Cannot even forget our last fight

Still remember when you walked out of my sight.

Thinking of every way to make it right

Holding back till I see the green light

Come back to ME and hold me tight

Will embrace you with an excessive delight

Tell me "I wanna see you in White,

Let Me be your knight.

I will make our days so bright

There will be no fear not even slight

Erase this word 'Might' because am Mr.Right"

Gone with the wind like a kite

Run after you like a poor child

To win you back with excite

And see this moment when we collide

There will be no reunite

Though I know I will never be your Bride

But still I can't fight the urge to write

This is my only getaway from this plight.