A Spot with a View

And she sat by the window one morning, holding her favourite book close to her, curled up in her spot feels breathless as she goes further on with her reading. It has been hours since she starts reading this book, but she didn't even notice. She has locked herself up in a room of her own creating a world she longs to live in. A world with better expectations, better people, and better ending. She thought to herself 'it hasn't to be with a happy one, I'll settle down for at least a logical one.'

I am a WOMAN

I am a WOMAN, unashamed
Fierce, wild, and untamed
Who got sick of being blamed.
I do not fear what it has been claimed.

I will never accept to be framed.
Who said that I am unnamed?!
I got what I want no mattter what I aimed.
I'm not yours to be gamed.

This passion inside of me can't be explained
for someone like you who has always complained
from every little thing i have attained.
I'm sorry if you are not entertained
but I'm not your pet to be chained.

You never cared how much I was pained,
But this is my fault because I was untrained
to face my problmes when it rained
I guess it is your mind which wants to get maintained.

You lost all my respect and it will never be regained,
so stop pretendning being waned.
This is no more your kingdom where you reigned,
so STAY AWAY! I am so self-conatined.

"Another stupid adult"

So for me, in a word association game, evanescence would be associated with marriage vows that evaporate faster than mercury and sink quicker than a lead ball; with love that flees the merciless scars of infidelity; with a melting sense of commitment; with a fading respect for family. This was not the end of the sad story; it got worse when I shared the details of my ‘date’ with my friends … they called me a fool; told me that there were no more men who wanted to get married; that who cared what a man did outside the house; that what I did not know about would not hurt me. They sounded so much like my mom and I felt alienated from their world.Men created a big myth ages ago and women believed it; they claimed that their physical needs are much higher than those of a woman and used that as an excuse to justify their shameful behavior. They said they got bored of ‘eating the same dish every day’ and they needed the change. They kept feeding women lies for one generation after another. My grandmother, my mother, and my friends fell for that lie and now I am being asked to go with the flow.

I am no longer angry at Mr. Not-So-Perfect … my anger is directed at the girls who suffer from an extreme condition of low self-esteem; who lock their pride in sealed bottles and throw them into oblivion; who willingly subject themselves to the double edge of treason and rejection; who would prefer sleeping with the enemy than sleeping alone. I get bored too; I crave for a change just as much as men do. I needed to feel desirable and wanted when I was 18 and 28 and will when I am 38, 48, 58, and forever. Still, I would respect my vows of loyalty and commitment to my husband. Infidelity hits the woman’s pride; takes its toll on her self-esteem; makes her feel rejected, unwanted, and unfit. If only men knew how much damage they were causing and how deep of a scar they were leaving.

Taken from:" The Poison Tree by Marwa Rakha"

Things that make me happy

  1. being around kids.
   2. being appreciated.
   3. chocolate.
   4. read a good book.
   5. visit family.
   6. dream a nice dream.
   7. buying clothes.
   8. helping others.
   9. doing a creative handcraft.
  10. make someone happy.
   
  ..... many things actually make me happy. simple but beautiful. if only I focus on those and let go of the things that bother me definitely I would be HAPPY by now.
      P.S.: I didn't mention my lil sister as she doesn't only make me happy but sth indescribable! I ❤You!

يا ترى لما امشى، هوحشك؟!

بقالى كتير قوى بفكر فى الموضوع ده. بذات بعد اخر حاجة حصلت. هو انا بصراحة كنت متوقعة حاجة اكبر من كده، رد فعل أقوى من كده. الطبيعى فى المواقف اللى زى دى الواحد بيحس بندم و حزن جامد. ندم على انه كان مُقصر وحزن على انه مش هيعرف يغير اللى كان.  بس الحصل كان عكس كده تماماً و ده طبعاً للاسف جيه عكس كل توقعاتى. أو ممكن انا الآمالى اكبر من الحقيقة ، مش عارفة! بس اللى اعرفه كويس و متأكده منه انه مش ده اللى أنا مستنياه يوم ما امشى. اصل على فكرة أنا ساعتها مش هرجْع تانى و ممكن كمان منتقبلش مين عارف؟


أنا مش بحب الكآبة واللهِ بس دى اقل حاجة ممكن الواحد يحسها ساعتها. المهم انى حاسة انى فقدت الامل و صعب الموضوع ده يتغير. أنتِ كمان وحشانى قوى على فكرة. بس مش أنتِ اللى هنا. أنتِ اللى رسمتها لك هى اللى وحشانى و بحبها قوى. أصلها بصراحة كده أقرب لى منك. وهى اللى على طول كانت جنبى لما كنت بحتاج لها. نفسى اشوفك هنا لو ليوم واحد، هتفرق معايا قوى. بس الظاهر كده ان " ليس كل ما يتمناه المرء يدركه."
.... و أرجع و اقول "الحمد لله على كل شىء" =) 

"Today I've Found an Old Friend"

Dear _______,

"Today, I've found an old friend. Finding implies a loss of some sort." These lines have been coming over my head so frequently, especially those past few days. Yes, I have met you long ago, but those days, I've found an old friend I thought that I've lost forever. At first, I wasn't really pleased with our encounter, though I knew that it is the working of God to change how we looked at things. I was so full of distrust, anguish, and some sort of bitterness. I was so swollen with pride that I was blind to see the real you. I didn't give neither myself nor you a chance to really express ourselves. But yet, I'm not regretful for what happened in the past. As I believe everything happens for a reason, and what happened in our past is simply an eye-opener and adds up to our experience. Maybe we just met in the wrong time, maybe none of us were really ready for such friendship. Whatever the reasons are, I'm glad that we've made an indirect reconciliation with our past. I was afraid to look back, I was afraid to make peace with my past, I didn't know what to look for in the future, I was overwhelmed with juxtaposed feelings and emotions. And for this, I ask you for forgiveness on my behalf for anything ... for everything. I've seen in you those days what I was blind to see our whole duration of acquaintance. And for this, I'm thankful that God have put you on my path in a way or another to make a reconciliation with my past, myself and ultimately with you. Excuse my fragmented lines but this is the way I feel right now, and I know I'm really bad at expressing myself but I couldn't help it. I've found out that my worst mistake was "Many words to be said but I decided to breathe deep instead  " So, this won't be the way any more.
Thank you for being such a great friend to me even when I was pushing you away. This will be the way I will always remember you.
Sincerely yours,
Esraa


P.S: I'm grateful that I've lost you one day, because I've learned how to cherish what I have and to take nothing for granted. (This may seem awkward but I like to look at the bright side of things or regard things differently.)

" واحة الغروب "

تمنيت لو كان الأمر هو العكس. لو أجهل ما حدث و أعلم ما فى الغد, بل أووافق حتى على أن أظل أعمى عما ّيحمله الغد بشرط أن يختفى الأمس أيضاً. أوافق على ما هو أقل-أن يشرق الصبح فأعيش يومى وحده و قد غابت من ذهنى كل الذكريات. أى ترتيب مريح للخياة أن نعيش اليوم دون إزعاج الأمس و الغد معاً! لمن فى هذه الصحراء لا شىء فى ذهنى غير الأمس و أنا لا أحبه.